The Black SAHM: She Isn’t A Mythical Creature
So, let’s talk about it. Almost anytime I mention being a SAHM, I get met with HOW? Or even a why, or how can you afford to stay home? Some women are down right shocked that a black woman can stay home and raise her kids. Some are even flabbergasted that one would choose, if possible to stay home and raise their kids.
My story is not unique and from my time on Facebook I learned that many black SAHM get the same responses if not worse. Some are called lazy. YEP, you got me! I’m home because I’m lazy. If you know anything about a mom, in general, most of us are not lazy.
The black SAHM is not some mythical creature. And contrary to popular belief many of us, if not the majority of us are not struggling and are not being forced to stay home. For some reason there is this belief that an overwhelming majority of black families are all poor and so impoverished or on some form of government assistance. This then leads to the idea that black women cannot afford to stay home. (There is nothing wrong with government assistance; it is necessary at times and nothing to be ashamed of).
Many of us take pride in being full time moms. Many of us choose to stay home because it’s something we planned on doing the moment we confirmed a baby was on the way. We enjoy looking into things and having the time to enroll our kids in different activities and being home in case of an emergency at school or any other place. Home -making is an art that is taken seriously among many black sahm.
Black sahm are seen as non-existent because we aren’t shown on ANY mommy blogs. Most of the time we see white women as the example of what a sahm is. Often that white woman is a step ford type, which is far from the reality of most sahm regardless of race. Let’s not forget that historically in America black women have never been allowed to stay home. We have always been working. They made laws and fined us for staying home when our men were away at war. Any opportunity to allow black women to stay home and rear their children has been met with oppression and down right refusal to allow it to continue. With that being said, it’s not surprising that a black sahm is seen as a myth.
Black sahm are met with criticism sometimes even from their own families. Black people in America have been programmed to see black women as pack mules. And therefore any black woman that is not “working” is wasting time, space, is lazy and wasting her life. Black women staying home to raise their children is undesirable work even though every culture outside of American values and respects the role mothers have in their children’s lives.
Black women are staying home by choice. Black women are staying home to help the family save money. Black women are staying home to cater to and love on their children more than we have ever been allowed to. The black SAHM is deciding to put her family first! So please do not believe that we do not exist! And certainly don’t ask if we are the nanny, how we can afford to stay home or WHAT does your man do so you can stay home? It is frankly none of anyone’s business and can be offensive when we are just trying to shop at target like anyone else!