“Hey, Mama It’ll Be OK”

By Jacquelyn Randle

This is what I tell myself as I hit month two of three full months of my children’s love and undying affection, totally uninterrupted by the school and work day break (can you sense the sarcasm) . The bittersweet event I’m trying my hardest not to hate seeing most teachers love summer break. Free from 9 months of non stop germs, lesson planning, grading papers, and dodging “that one” parent; finally able to relax and have optimum family time.

The optimum family time that I yearned for during the school year was finally at my fingertips. At first, I loved being able to wake up whenever I wanted and do whatever random thing my children talked about the night before;cue the highly passive aggressive pictures of “to do list” created by my eldest child stuck to my face when I would wake up. The early morning trips to the zoo and other family attractions were able to be enjoyed, not rushed with a thought of having to prep for tomorrows’ early morning rise and mundane chain of events. And let’s not forget the small things throughout the day that make me fall more in love with my children, like their newfound love for Japanese anime.

But as much as I enjoy this time and hate to say it, I’m ready for school to start back. I honestly crave adult interactions outside of social media and my circle of friends that aren’t off work and too tired to talk after clocking out. What I wouldn’t give to have random water cooler talk. I miss being able to do random errands kid free and not have to share even my smallest meal. I miss missing my children throughout the day.

I even miss the children I used to have. My once fiercely independent children have become beyond co dependent to the point I can’t even step down the once dreaded stairs to do the laundry in peace. My toddler has hit the terrible twos before her birthday and completely backtracked behavior wise in my opinion; the refusal to say “milk please” but demand of “turn the movie back on” has been replaced with an ear piercing scream . My eldest who went from my super smart and sweet child to full blown fall outs and tantrums at the drop of me saying “not right now” or “later”.

Maybe it is true about too much of a good thing being bad for you, because now all the “to do” summer activities feel like an entirely new job and add the heat it feels like a slow death. And the unwavering “mommy time” I once felt like I wasn’t giving enough, now feels like im drowning in. The friend and family members that do know of my current dread still don’t grasp the summer break struggle. The constant “mommy” calling, neverending feeling of having to cook and clean, and no real escape because the “I wish I had all that time on my hands” comments.

So as I sit and write this while another binge session of a series I neglected throughout the year plays in the background and day drink while telling myself “mama it’ll be ok”. School is only 30 days away and we’ll be semi free again. At least enough to miss them and not completely want to lose it when we hear “mama” for the umptenth time. To gain our sanity back piece by piece. No more cooking all three meals a day and the cleaning that comes with them. But know that “it’ll be ok” if the laundry sits another day, the kids eat cereal for more than one meal, the house looks unkempt( because let’s be honest, are we really having company anytime soon), and most importantly for us to rest and have a break.

Jacquelyn’s social media accounts: