Black Mothering Is NOT For Suffering
Hands down the biggest issue with the older generation of mothers is “I didn’t have help and I survived so you should be ok”. They weren’t OK and they don’t want us to be ok. They suffered and want new moms/this generation of moms to fade and suffer from motherhood the way they did. Mothers who are actively seeking support systems and NOT hating being a mom is unimaginable to these women.
“Y’all women are making excuses”
“Having a baby is not a disability. Isn’t your baby like a month old now?!”
I had an entire conversation with a Caribbean woman at the thrift store yesterday. She opened my eyes to how other cultures view motherhood, grand-parenthood and the postpartum period, This older black woman broke down how she purposely made sure when her son had a child, she supported the mother. She said she is waiting for her daughter to have a child so she can do the same. This woman also works etc. when relaying this story to an older American black woman, I got the responses above.
This showed me that the American culture is FLAWED. Any race of people who adopt the American way of pregnancy, childbirth and postpartum have the sickest and most unhappy mothers. Motherhood in modern America is rooted in suffering and the older generation would rather die than see you have any of the help they didn’t have. Rather than lending a kind word, they enforce the idea that motherhood is the worst thing that can happen to a woman outside of death.
They were taught that motherhood meant sacrificing themselves. They were taught that self care and fun outings either solo or with other adults is for childless women or women with grown children. They weren’t taught that motherhood and womanhood can exist at the same time. They weren’t taught that you still need to take care of yourself on this journey as a mom.
Black women are more likely to die during pregnancy, childbirth and during the first year postpartum. Black babies are also more likely to die. A lot of this is out of our control thanks to racism. Those of us who survived pregnancy and childbirth need to thrive. We need to be the best so our children can have the best we have to give. They don’t need table scraps of us because we have been so beaten down and drained from disregarding our needs as a person. So please keep the idea that we MUST suffer because we decided to have children to yourself.
We are tired of hearing “once you have a baby your life is over’! We are tired of hearing ‘its not about you anymore’! We are realizing that everything told to the older generation was a lie. Your life is not over after you become a mother. In fact your life has just changed, you decide which way you and your child(ren) will go. It is definitely about you now that you are a mother. As the woman in the thrift store said “the baby will be healthy, making mom healthy is what is really needed”..…… Your children will benefit from a mother who values herself. Your children will benefit from a mother who didn’t suffer their entire childhood. Children need to see their mothers thriving and happy. They do not need to see them down and hating every moment of parenting.
There is nothing wrong with taking care of yourself. Go out! Have fun with your children, friends, husband or wife. Take up a hobby. Enroll in that class! Whatever you do, don’t forget that you deserve to be happy while raising your children. Motherhood was never meant for suffering, I don’t care what anyone has to say.